I think I saw you in my sleep, darling.
I think I saw you in my sleep;You were stitching up the seams on every broken promise that your body couldn't keep.
I think I saw you in my sleep.
I thought I heard the door open, oh no.
I thought I heard the door open but I only heard it close.
I thought I heard a plane crashing, but now I think it was your passion snapping.
I think you saw me confronting my fear.
It went up with the bottle and down with the beer and I think you ought to stay away from here.
There are ghosts in the walls and they crawl in your head through your ears.
I think I saw you in my sleep, lover.
I think I saw you in my sleep.
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I miss my love, more then anyone could possibly understand. I feel empty inside. More then empty. I feel as if there's negative space in me, as if all the goodness and happiness is being sucked out of me. Every night his face haunts my dreams, and I wake up crying and unsure of if I can go on.
Everyone tells me it isn't my fault. I'm not as ignorant as they believe though, I know it's customary to say that to someone who has had something horrible like this brought onto them.
How can it not be my fault?
If I am the only thing he had, and he despised life bad enough to end it, then how am I not somehow connected to it?
In my head I dream of people telling me the truth. I feel as if there's some secret that everyone else knows, but I'm being kept in the dark about. If people could be honest to me about the whole situation, then perhaps I could learn to except it and fix my flaws and figure out how to heal.
Until then though, I'm just going to keep swimming through this muck until I get too tired to swim anymore.
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Happy first blog post.
